Detective Kirby and the Case of the Attempted Murder
by pepdog1
Summary: When Kirby is almost killed, he sets out to find his attempted murderer. Dedede tries to help him. Things don't go to plan. (Rated T for now, for mentions of blood and killing, may be bumped up to M if necessary.)
1. Chapter 1

_So… here's a new story! I had this idea one day, but couldn't see any way to make it fit into HnK:NE, so I put it into a new story! Now, Forget everything I have written about the characters previously. Other than the canon parts. In this story, Kirby is a bit more mature (But he doesn't really swear at all, so you don't have to worry about that) and I write his friends differently from the other stories. Dedede is smarter (but still as clumsy) Meta Knight is more withheld and quiet, and Bandanna Dee… is exactly the same. If a little bit easier to piss off. So, I hope you enjoy!_

_Also, this story is based off a tumblr ask blog, the pink detective kirby (add hyphens between the words, you know these things: "-" I can't write the name with those in otherwise it will mess the chapter up) which is a marvelous blog with I suggest you follow if you have tumblr. Check it out if you want more background on this story. It's based off a German comic about Kirby being a detective. Go figure._

* * *

**Chapter One: Attempted Murder **

Kirby sat on the edge of his bed, looking outside the window. It was a calm night and he had a particularly good view of the moon and stars, and was taking a moment to appreciate them while practicing his carol singing before Christmas, which was less than a month away.

It was quite peaceful. Not a sound to be heard but his own breathing and singing, and a beautiful sight outside as the moon glimmered down on the fresh snow. Not to mention the delicious smell of gingerbread cookies in his kitchen, for the day after.

He sighed with contentment, but his moment of serenity was interrupted when he noticed some light footsteps and the rustling of fabric behind him. He turned to see what it was, but couldn't see anything.

"Must be imagining things." He mumbled to himself.

He turned back to the window, yawning a bit. He decided that he would be going to sleep soon, as soon as he finished singing one last song.

Despite popular belief, Kirby actually had a really nice voice, and was very good at singing. With the Mike ability was a different story, but without it...

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to ride on a one horse open-"

_Creeeeak!_

"... Sleigh?"

Kirby looked back again, but once more saw nothing. He shrugged and turned back again, but this time saw he didn't get back to singing.

Before he even got the chance to think, he felt something hard hit the back of his head with a clank! sound. And before he could even say anything, he slumped forwards and blacked out.

...

"Ki... By... Kir... By... Kirby, please, wake up!"

Kirby's light blue eyes fluttered open, only to close again at the bright light above him.

The first thing he noticed about where he was is that it was definitely not his room. Even if Tokkori had opened the windows and turned on the lights in the middle of the day, it wouldn't be that bright. Was he dead? Also, it smelt like... Disinfectant. Like a hospital.

The other thing he noticed when he finally managed to open his eyes was the bandages on his paw and the ones around his waist. These ones were stained with blood. What happened...?

And then, it hit him. The pain. It was like he was stabbed in the side of his stomach, and it felt like his paw had been burnt. It was horrible. Also, he had a massive headache in the back of the head.

He winced at the pain and tried to get up, but something or someone pinned him down. It was a cloudy silhouette, and he couldn't make it out. A familiar voice spoke in a worried tone.

"No, don't sit up! You'll hurt yourself! Lie down..."

He could recognize that voice anywhere, and soon the cloudy silhouette became a clear shape.

"... Bandanna Dee?"

"Oh NOVA, you remember my name, thank goodness." Bandanna smiled, letting him go. "Yes, yes it's me, it's alright, I'm here."

Bandanna Dee gently grabbed and squeezed Kirby's unharmed paw tightly, but not tightly enough for it to hurt. Kirby felt a wave of relief rush over him. He wasn't dead. So then... Where was he?

"Bandy, what happened?"

"A-as far as we can tell, you were knocked out from behind, and then stabbed in the side. Another person tried to use magic to burn the wound so it wouldn't heal, but missed and got your paw instead. I think they were trying to kill you. You're in the castle's medical clinic now."

"Oh." Kirby looked down at his bandages. That made sense. Sort of. He sighed, looking up again.

"B-But, Bandanna, who would want to kill me?"

"Who would?" Bandanna repeated. "I don't know... The Dark Matter league, Nightmare and his demon beasts, um... Drawcia and her sister and... The... Squeaks?"

"Oh." Kirby mumbled again. "That's a lot of people."

"Trust me, that's not even half of them." Bandanna muttered.

There was soon a knock on the door. Bandanna turned to it, still holding Kirby's paw.

"It seems like you have some guests. Would you like to let them in?"

"Yes, please."

The Waddle Dee hopped off the bed and opened the door. In came three very familiar faces; Meta Knight, Dedede and Tokkori.

The yellow canary instantly flew to the puffball and hovered above his head.

"Oh my NOVA, Kirby, are you alright?! I can't believe someone would do this to you!"

He landed on top of Kirby's head as Meta Knight and Dedede walked in.

"Are you alright, Kirby?" Meta asked. "You took quite a beating."

"I swear, when we find who did this," Dedede muttered, rubbing his temple. "He will wish he was never born."

Kirby sighed, smiling.

"I'm fine, you guys. Considering I could be dead by now, I'm feeling pretty good."

"Listen, Kirby, I'm going to go speak to the doctor." Bandanna said. "I'll be back soon."

He left, leaving the three in the room. Dedede sat on the end of the bed.

"If only there was something we could do about it... Who knows what this guy might be doing now?!"

"Actually, I think we can do something." Tokkori smiled. "Kirby, remember those Dick Tracy comics you were reading?"

"Who?" Meta asked.

"Dick Tracy." Dedede answered with a smile. "He's a fictional detective."

"Yeah! And I'm going to take his place today!" Kirby smiled, getting up and standing on the bed, making Tokkori fly off his head. "T.K., grab me a hat of some sort!"

The little bird flew out, and soon came back with a fedora. Kirby put it on.

"I, Detective Kirby, will find out who attempted to murder me, if it's the last thing I do!" He proclaimed.

"And I'll be your assistant!" Dedede smiled, standing up. "'Nick' Dedede!"

"And we're going to work together to find out the murderer!" They cheered together.

Outside, Bandanna Dee shook his head.

"Those idiots."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Suspect Number One **

After they doctor gave Kirby the 'green light', he and his so called assistant left to go to his house to find clues.

"Anything you find, leave it be. We'll get a camera from Keeby and take a photo of the scene, and then we can gather evidence."

"Okay." Dedede nodded.

Before they could go anywhere, however, something grabbed Kirby tightly by the shoulders.

"Hey, hey, hey!" A voice hissed in his ear. It was slightly high pitched, with a pinch of insanity on the edge. "I heard there was an attempted murder. Was there any blood?"

Kirby stood completely still. Dedede hadn't even noticed that he had stopped, and was walking off without him.

The person behind him ran a finger- no, a claw- down to where his bandage was. Where he had been stabbed.

"Oh... My. This must've hurt. My poor little plaything." He dug his claw deeper in, making Kirby wince in pain. "It would be a shame if you were dead. Luckily you aren't. Now, what exactly are you doing, looking for the murderer, hmm?"

Kirby suddenly recognized the voice. He gritted his teeth.

"Why do you need to know, you sadistic lunatic?!"

He broke away, turning around to face the other. Marx smiled widely, his eyes wide and his pupils dilated in the bright sunlight. To Kirby, it seemed like he was on the brink of insanity.

"I need to know because I care about you." He answered, getting closer and lifting the other's chin up so their faces were a mere inch apart. "What, you think I don't care?"

Kirby was too frightened to try and get away, but instead just reached up with his paws to stop his claws from digging into him. He was so close to him, and could reach his throat and kill him in an instant.

Just like his attempted murderer tried to kill him.

"You don't." Kirby grumbled. "You're insane."

"Maybe I am." Marx answered, smiling. "And you are adorable in that fedora."

Still holding Kirby's face in his claws, he leaned up and placed his lips on the puffball's forehead, a bit like a kiss.

Kirby flinched and gasped a bit. What did he think he was doing?! Marx could easily bite him with those sharp fangs of his, and a bite to the temple would be fatal! He stood as still as he could, hoping that the jester would decide that he preferred to torture his prey before he killed them.

Luckily, Marx just moved away after a while, without leaving even a scratch. Kirby was relieved.

"See?" Marx chuckled slightly. "I don't want to hurt you! Now, run along back to your silly detective stuff, and don't get hurt, 'kay?"

Kirby crossed his arms and rolled his eyes.

"You're just like Meta Knight, only worse." He growled.

Marx simply rolled his eyes, smiling. He was about to say something else when Dedede came back.

"Hey, Kirbs, you coming or not?" He asked. Then he spotted the jester. "Oh, hello, Marx." He spat. "What are you doing here?"

"I just came to wish your little detective good luck." Marx replied, leaning a wing on the puffball.

"Good luck?" Kirby asked sarcastically, trying to push the other off. "You weren't doing anything like that! You were just being creepy, like always."

"Well, puffball, let's agree to disagree." Marx answered, waving a wing around a bit. "Be seeing you, then."

He teleported away. Kirby sighed, frustrated.

"Well, that just wasted our time." Dedede muttered. "Should we go now?"

"You know what, Nick? Maybe it wasn't a waste of time." Kirby replied, going back to walking. "Because I think I just found Suspect Number One."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Elementary**

Kirby and Dedede managed to get to Keeby's house in record time, most likely because they were chased by a swarm of Bronto Burts who thought they wanted to play tag. As soon as they arrived, the little yellow puffball greeted them with a hug.

"I'm so glad that you're here!" He cheered. "I heard about what had happened. Are you alright, Kirbs?"

"Nothing too serious. " Kirby assured him. "Now, I suppose you know why I'm here? Er… why _we're_ here?" He glanced back at Dedede, who rolled his eyes.

"For my special camera," Keeby nodded. "Elementary! Now, come inside, and I'll go fetch it."

He bounded off inside, and Kirby and Dedede followed. Once inside the main room, Kirby's detective brain got to work and started examining the nearby shelves.

_A couple of books, a candle, ceramic figures, a chisel and hammer… Wait, what?!_

"A chisel and hammer?" He asked aloud, walking up to the shelf in curiosity. "What are those for?"

"Elementary, my dear." Keeby smiled, bringing over the camera. "Those belong to Kaby. He's getting his degree as a proffessor in archaeology soon."

"Oh." Kirby nodded. "Alright."

He took the camera from Keeby, looking it over in interest. And also…

"Um… how does it work?"

"Elementary! Let me show you…"

While Keeby was instructing Kirby about that, Dedede had a look around himself. He wandered into the kitchen, having a look around. Above the bench there was a rack with multiple frying pans hanging off it. Having a closer look, Dedede noticed that they were all inscribed with a different marking on the back, each very small. There was a heart shape, an eye, the Meta Knights' sign, a paintbrush, a diamond shaped crystal, like a crystal shard, and the last one was a star.

On the bench there laid a piece of paper with the markings drawn onto it multiple times. Dedede noticed that there was also one more marking, one that wasn't on any of the frying pans.

A cog.

Dedede blinked. He recognised that marking. Magolor had some on the back of his kitchen utensils in his Lor Starcutter. Maybe Keeby inscribed them for a hobby?

"Interesting… should I tell Kirby?"

He shrugged and took the piece of paper, folding it into his pocket.

"For safe keeping." He told himself. "Not like Keeby will need it anyway."

He went back to the two. Kirby was taking a photo, and jumped up and down happily when he succeeded. Keeby clapped.

"You're a natural, Kirbs!" He smiled.

Kirby nodded. "Thanks! … Now, Keeby…?"

"Yeah?"

I must ask, why do you keep saying _elementary_? You sound like…"

"Sherlock Holmes?" Keeby smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I've been reading the series. I've gotten really into it."

"Ha!" Kirby laughed. "I should've known. _Elementary,_ huh?"

"Exactly, my dear Watson!" Keeby chuckled. "Now, you'd better be going, huh? Have fun figuring out who your attempted murderer was! Er… is!"

"Will do." Kirby said, tipping his fedora. He went on his way, with Dedede following close behind, although he wasn't as cheery.

"There's something suspicious about him." He mumbled. "I just can't put my tongue on it…"

"I believe the term is _finger_, Dedede." Kirby corrected. "And there is nothing suspicious about Keebs. He is the same old, same old we always knew."

"If you say so, detective." Dedede muttered. "If you says so…"

…

Back at Keeby's house, the puffball had grabbed Kaby's archaeologist equipment and was carrying them to his room.

"I better put these away." He muttered to himself. "Don't want them to get damaged…"

With that said, he wrapped them up in a cloth and shoved them in a drawer before walking off to the kitchen.

"There," He smiled, pleased. "Now nobody will know…"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Sharp Things Hurt**

_Finally getting to things. This has been half finished in my notebook for months..._

The door of Kirby's cottage opened with a creak. The puffball poked his head in, took a photo, and then walked in, beckoning Dedede to follow.

"Nothing seems to have been touched." Kirby noted aloud. "So they obviously either just wanted to kill me, or found what they were looking very quickly."

Dedede rolled his eyes. "Isn't it strange saying they tried to kill you when you're still alive? Maybe they just wanted to injure you."

"Or maybe they got scared and ran away before they could finish the job." Kirby replied, taking another photo.

"Really? If they wanted to kill you, Kirbs, they would've stabbed you in the heart or the back instead of the side."

Kirby sighed. "I don't know what their motives were, Nick, but whatever they were, it's clear that they wanted to hurt me. Now, take the camera, and search the kitchen. I'm gonna look under the bed and in the cupboard."

He handed the camera to the penguin, and then got down on his hands and knees to see if he could find anything.

Dedede nodded and did as he was told. He creeped into the kitchen as if he was trying to be quiet, surveying his surroundings.

The kitchen looked exactly like he would expect: clean, but with a few out of place objects and dishes in the sink. Also, there was a plate of gingerbread cookies on the table.

In the meanwhile, Kirby found something of interest.

"Hey, Dedede! Over here-ow!"

"Ow?" The penguin walked over to see Kirby on his knees, rubbing his head.

"Ow... I hit my head..." He whined. "B-But! But I found something!"

He dug under the bed again, and after a few moments of feeling around, he pulled out a yellow, crescent shaped blade.

"A Cutter blade?" Dedede asked curiously, getting closer. As he did however, he soon noticed some new details. Flecks of crimson red blood, and a redish tinge.

"This was obviously used to stab me, and the attacker, in a hurry, tried to wipe off the blood and hide it under the bed!"

Dedede deadpanned him. "... Seriously?"

"Hey, it's just a theory." Kirby replied. "Anyway, we don't even know who it belongs to!"

Dedede took the blade and examined it closely. "Mmm... Yep, nothing."

"Now, to the kitchen!" Kirby smiled, jumping up and snatching it back.

"I see you've made gingerbread cookies." Dedede noted, following the energetic puffball into the other room.

"Yep." Kirby agreed. "But that's not important. Let's see if we can find anything useful to our investigation..."

He fumbled with the blade absent mindedly.

"Actually, on second thought, the killer wouldn't really have come through here, would've he?"

He spun the blade around once again... Only to accidentally cut himself and drop it with a small gasp of pain.

Dedede rolled his eyes and picked it up.

"Kirby, you have to be more careful. Sharp things hurt, you know. Go wash it."

As Kirby complied, Dedede had a look around. Just as he thought there was nothing else to see, he spotted something metallic under the table.

"Hey Kirby, is that one of yours?"

"One of mine, what?"

"A frying pan on the floor."

Kirby turned off the taps, wiping his paws with a tea towel. "Dedede, I keep all my frying pans in the cupboard... You can check; there's five of them. In order of size."

Dedede started carefully looking through the cupboards. Kirby really was a cooking master; he had spices arranged on a rack in order of what seemed to be spiciness. The cutlery was polished and stacked with extreme care, and there were five frying pans hanging by their handles, each with -as Dedede noticed as he took one of and examined it- a small star inscribed into the back.

Kirby had picked up the pan from the floor, copying Dedede's examination.

"Hmm... This definitely isn't one of mine. It could be one that I borrowed from Magolor, but I'm almost certain I brought that one back... And I'd never leave a good pan on the floor!"

Dedede took the pan from Kirby, looking on the back. Sure enough, there was a cog shape inscribed into it.

"Kirby..."

Kirby jumped up and snatched it back. "Perhaps Magolor will know why this I here!"

He turned to Dedede triumphantly. "It all makes sense now! I mean, I have a small theory on who tried to hurt me! Quickly! To the conspiracy room!"


End file.
